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Why didn’t I teleport to where I was heading, you might ask? Well, the truth of the matter was that I was still a bit afraid of it. I mean, the earth is constantly turning, right? What if I teleported and somehow managed to get tossed off the planet due to counter rotation or centrifugal force or some whacky shit like that? I didn’t want to end up a frozen cinder floating about among the jettisoned commodes and broken satellites out there, no sir. Yeah, it was a bit silly to be afraid of that, probably. But hey, I was still new at this whole crazy business. Suddenly, the day became deathly silent, interrupting my reverie. From years in the Alaskan bush, I knew there was something out there the little animals were afraid of, and that it was probably a good idea for me to be a little nervous too. So I stopped dead and listened, holding my breath so as not the miss the slightest sound. Crunch. Snuffle. Crack. Snort. Oh, shit, I thought, sweat breaking out on my forehead. It’s a fucking. Anyway, the party gets going. And everybody's getting a bit drunk and stupid. The music is blasting but nobody is dancing. People are everywhere. Cracked plastic cups and empty beer cans litter every surface. Some people are doing shots. One girl is downing a bottle of wine. Some intrepid folks are trying to make pizza in the microwave. The beautiful girl we've all been in love with for years has brought her new guy and we're all kinda looking at him like "you lucky fuck". One guy is sitting on the couch eating his gf's face, while his hand rummages around inside her top. A fat guy is watching intently. It's all fairly normal stuff. Except, for some bizarre reason, I'm the only smoker there. Everyone else has either stopped or not started yet. So I keep finding myself alone, out in the tiny back yard, smoking a cigarette and looking at the stars. Until, that is, my mate's little sister turns up, half drunk from a previous party, desperate for a cigarette. Finally, another smoker!We.
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